I was in this bar today and I saw this iPhone on a bar stool. It was just laying there, so I picked it up, unnoticed by anyone in the room. On second look, I realized it was the super secret iPhone 4! Just like the rumor mills had described it. Squarish on the edges and thinner, with a bigger camera on the back and a smaller one facing the user to make video chats possible.

I was pumped, to say the least. I tried to turn it on and it came on! Wow! Just then it rang. It wasn’t my usual ring but then It wasn’t my phone either.

I said hello. The caller said hello , who is this? I said, I am sorry but you called it is your turn to say who you are. Otherwise i am hanging up.

He said well, you have a point there. I’m Steve Jobs at Apple Inc. I said sure and I am Andy Warhol. I have always wanted to do your portrait.

He said, no seriously, I am Stephen P Jobs, the CEO of Apple. I said, so what if you are? What do you want with me?

He said, the phone you are holding is mine and I want it back. I said finders keepers losers weepers.

He said, look friend. I said, my name is – well you can call me Jerry.

He continued, Look Jerry, either you give back the phone or I will have several low level expendable engineers come over and break your legs. I said, for a phone?

He said is’t not just a phone it is, well it’s secret.

I said, you mean like a Dick Tracy Secret Decoder Ring? Well, he said, it is almost that good.

I said, I don’t believe it.

Jerry, he said, you can believe it.

I said, we’ll see.

I said, how do I know you are really Steve Jobs? He said, call this number and you will get the Apple switchboard and that will connect you back to me. How’s that?

Just then I got a call waiting signal and I told Steve to hold on and switched over to see who it was.

I said hello.

The caller said, hello, who is this?

I said, here we go again. You called, old buddy, so you say who you are or I hang up.

He said, OK, I am Jonathan Ives. I work at Apple and I think you are using a phone I “lost” today. I said, where do you think you lost it?

He said, it would have been in a bar near the Apple campus.
I said, bingo. Mr. Ives, I think they are hiring over at Google.

It wouldn’t take much to catch up. A round of hugs and some dark roast coffee and brief reading of he minutes of our recent lives. That would do it. Everything after that would be extra, and I thrive on extras.

These days, along with the warm and loving history we share, there are also great geographical distances woven into the fabric of our lives. For many of us, no drop-in visits or impromptu “Can you meet me at the coffee shop…” rendezvous are possible in this new paradigm.

It takes great effort to get together. Distances have to be considered. Dates coordinated. Expenses incurred. Possibly the arrogant incompetence of the airline industry tolerated. It is not easy, even if done in the comfort of one’s own automobile – on the same continent.?

In the place of actually being with someone, the epistolary arts once dominated long distance communication. The telephone entered to make such contacts easier, if less thoughtful.
Nowadays, ( There you go again ) email and social networks seem to dominate remote
personal communication. Email can work well. The vote is not yet final on the so-called social network sites. They all have that certain tangental flavor of brevity, shallowness and permissiveness.

Oh, then there is this “avatar” thing. I have to admit, I find this kind of fun but I wonder why. A simple photo of the person would do but there is apparently a need to “say something” with the picture I. D., or avatar. Admittedly, I play with this myself. It’s like choosing one’s own name after all these years. Another small step away from the way it really is?

More than ever, I think, it is critical to know thyself, and to keep a wary eye on the person thyself wishes or “thinks” to be.

So, you ask, would I give up the instant shallowness of email and social networking for the more thoughtful pen and ink and airport lounging method of communicating?

That’s a good question. I would love to be a deeper person.

My iPhone just buzzed and told me there are a dozen apps for that.

I dreamed last night.??More exactly this morning just before waking.??I dreamed of persons from years ago who are of little consequence in my life these days and with whom I would not spend the time of day.??Why, I ask myself, bother disturbing that precious REM sleep with such odd bits from my past? Inconsequential???Obviously not, as my subconscious bothered to unearth them and dump them in bed with me.??Add to that this: I am sitting here with my feet toward the small live fire set to dispel the 45? dampness of the morning, thinking about this nocturnal invasion of my mind – apparently still in progress.

The images that populate dreams are unaccountable. ?They come and go as they please leaving few tracks, then – poof! They are gone beyond retrieval. ?Now and then a fragment appears in a suddenly illuminated corner of my mind, unassociated with any meaningful narrative. ?No dangling clues to help. ? Sometimes I wonder: what the hell was that all about?

Here’s the picture: ?A giant two pronged pier out into the ocean resembling a tuning fork. At the base of the fork, there is a restaurant that was supposed to be some kind of elegant eatery but seemed sterile to me. ?I don’t know what the occasion was and can not bring up a single face. ?I don’t remember the menu or the table talk. ?I do remember enjoying a walk on the “other” pier – why it should be the “other” is a mystery to me too – and then I woke up, needing a bathroom break rather badly.

Solutions are acceptable in the comments and the prize for the one selected as the most likely will win a complete dinner for two at this same restaurant. ?When you get there please call me and let me in on the secret. ?I can’t wait.

Our spindly old forsythia – whose very existence has been called into question in recent years – is showing gloriously again. ?So, it seems, are its kin throughout the area. ?

‘Twas the day after Easter and all through the meadow, not a bunny was hopping nor a Peep marshing mellow. Daffodils looked on with bowed heads as wounded and disabled choco rabbits paraded by on crutches and prosthesis while various colored eggs barely showed, when the light was just right, from aggressive hiding places. Put those miserably mangled chocolate critters out of their misery. Put leftover Peeps high on a shelf. They will hold their “quality” for years to come. Today let us toast the passing of another marketing mile post and be thankful that laborious meaning can be avoided in such a sweet and colorful fashion.

We had what would pass for a close approximation to a traditional Easter dinner consisting of ham, snap beans ( Hey, they are the same color as peas ) potatoes au gratin and a salad. CA, Ruth and I were enjoying a mild and sunny late afternoon with warm zephyrs passing through open windows and doors. It was a heavenly close to an unusually warm Easter Sunday.

Sitting in the middle of the table was our memento to Ruth for Easter which consisted of a card in a pastel Easter Egg purple envelope popped up on a couple of boxes of yellow and purple Peeps. Now, we’re talking core Easter stuff here. She loves Peeps.

As though on cue, a chocolate rabbit – solid milk chocolate – appeared after the first round of Peeps and we all had a piece of the most desirable rabbit part: ears.

Just for fun I checked the expiration date on the peeps and it was over two years down the way. I have to wonder what kind of petroleum based chemical magic preserves as fresh these little fluffy marvels for over two years. And what does it do to one’s insides. Chocolate never last long enough around here to even approach any expiration date. Thanks to Ruth our sweet tooth is exercised frequently. Her doctor told her when asked about it, “Ruth, you are in your 90’s. You can eat whatever you want. Nothing you eat ‘now’ is going to kill you”. I have to be careful not to interpret that statement that in some way it could pertain to me.

So there it is: Easter 2010. I hope it was enjoyable for you. Perhaps you even had a Peep or two yourself. You are definitely worth it.