I figured out why Christmas comes in the dark of winter. It’s the effort of a giant lobbying effort by a consortium of light bulb makers, candle makers and the electric companies – and of course the Santa Claus people. I mean where would that clown be without snow in the dark of winter?

It’s a no brainer: Christmas would be much safer, accessible and yes, tolerable if it were say in August. Not much goes on in August anyway. And the old folks could sit around and watch baseball as an extra benefit. Think of it: coffee and cake on the verandah! And instead of the kids yelling and tearing through the house they could be hosed down in the yard!

It’s an arbitrary date anyway. Nobody knows exactly for sure – anyway. Why not August? Or you pick the time that suits you, but definitely in the summer. I can think of all kinds of side benefits of such a wonderfully arbitrary move. Unemployed song writers would have to get busy with a new sheaf of Christmas songs. I can hear it now: “I’m dreaming of a beach party Christmas…” Well . . . we’ll have to work on that some.

Multiplied thousands of image makers would have things to do that do not include holly, elves, snow, sleigh rides and fire places. And a new more tropical weight suit for Santa, should he make the cut.

Not since WWII would the nation be so mobilized in a creative effort to meet such a challenge. And if traveling were the only consideration, that alone would be justification for the move. Think of it: no more canceled flights in snow storms, or freezing your buns off slipping and sliding on icy roads trying to get to Grandma’s house somewhere off the grid.

Oh – I almost forgot, we could consign to the rubbish bin that tired old red nosed reindeer and that idiotic movie WHITE CHRISTMAS, that should have been lost in a Hollywood fire long ago. 

I do, however, wish for each of you a safe and happy season for whatever you celebrate. As of this date, the big day still comes only 4 days after the shortest day of the year. It will be dark and likely cold and slick. Be careful. Take your time. Don’t drink and drive and for God’s sake don’t drink and dress. What is it about all that funky Christmas costuming that goes on behind the wreath on the door? Ahhh, there I go again.

Now – here’s the thing: don’t forget the hugs, and kisses and the real human warmth that goes along with the season. Soak it up. Extend it as long as possible. Love each other, and “study war no more”.

Jerry Henderson

Leave a Reply